Y'all will laugh, but I've had this breastfeeding rant floating in my head for A WHILE now, so yesterday I just decided to type it out. Not sure what I'd do with it. BF is such a touchy subject these days, and although I think a lot of people probably feel the way I do about it - it's not cool to voice it. I wasn't sure if I wanted to post this at the risk being attacked via e-mails and comments. Knox, however, had different plans. He was playing on my computer yesterday and got a hold of my very rough draft and pressed "Post." I deleted it once someone on Twitter said something to me about it, but I've gotten so many Amens from the few that did see it, that I decided to finish and repost it…
I decided to put all my thoughts on this issue in to one post because it's something I feel strongly about. And because I feel like I have the "unpopular" opinion. Or maybe just the less voiced one… As a NICU nurse [on indefinite maternity leave;)] I have a huge heart for neonates and newborns. And breastfeeding is something I have had to deal with A LOT. I can't even tell you how many hours I've spent in lactation seminars and how many times I've gone through BF 101 with a new mom. I do enjoy it though.
Aside from that - I BF my own 2 and I always knew I would. My mom BF her babies. So did my grandmother and aunts. It's just always been a given. That's how you feed babies… Then the huge *BF Craze* seemed to kick in to gear when I was in nursing school. It was there the benefits and basics of breastfeeding were beaten in to me. And everyday I spent on the NICU/Mother-Baby unit since.
So I'll start by telling you why I chose to BF…
- Like I said - it's something I grew up around and it was always just assumed.
- It's true that it is the 'ideal' form of nutrition for an infant. (PROVIDED that the breastmilk is clean and there is plenty of it. More on that later.) In the NICU we give all preemies breastmilk as their first form of nutrition. If the mom isn't able to provide it, we use donated. It is the gentlest on their immature systems. But, of course, full-term babies tolerate formula fine.
- Convenience. I love that I can remain in a half coma during nighttime feedings those first few months. No getting up to shake and heat bottles. (This is why H slept in our room for 5 months!) Also, on the go… It's always fresh and ready.
- Bonding. This is hard to explain. Those mommy-baby feeding times are something to be cherished. There's nothing in the world like seeing a baby grow and knowing that you did that… It's something to take pride in.
- And not gonna lie… Weight loss. ;) I was back to pre-baby weight a few months after I had Knox. With Hadley, I double pumped for the first 3 weeks and was back to pre-baby weight at 6 weeks. Plus I had a huge stock-pile built up. It's a beautiful thing.
……………………………
NOW - That being said… Formula is a wonderful invention. I'm serious. It's gotten a bad rap lately, but the fact is - babies stay healthy, grow and thrive on formula. They have been for years. Often times better than a poorly breastfed baby.
I can't tell you how many moms I've met who won't touch formula yet have babies (or toddlers…) who aren't even on the growth charts and/or developmentally delayed. If you can't produce to meet your child's needs - it's time to move on. It doesn't happen with everyone, but it did with me. It happened with Knox at 6 months, and Hadley at 10 months. Weaning was a hard decision to make, mainly because I wanted to selfishly hold on to that special bond, but I knew formula was the best decision for them at that point. Hadley had a huge developmental leap in the 2 weeks after I started her on formula and I knew I'd made the right choice. I would have held on for 12months, I couldn't give her the volume of milk she needed anymore.
So my pet peeve - Breastfeeding Nazis. These would include every Lactation Consultant/Nurse who I've overheard telling a mom that formula is poison. (Yes, it happens and I can't believe the hospitals tolerate it.) And you know what usually happens? The mom gets so upset that her milk doesn't come in, further delaying the milk and frustrating the baby. It never works out, only makes the moms feel like failures at a time when they're already emotionally vulnerable.
For the record - FORMULA IS NOT POISON. The hospitals are on this BF Initiative kick right now - which is a GOOD thing - but I think some have taken it way too far. I agree that every mom should be educated on the benefits of breastfeeding and provided ample support if that's what she chooses; but they also need to be reassured that formula is a healthy alternative. They have to be the ones to make the ultimate decision. We don't need to be using scare tactics to force them in to it. Breastfeeding is a huge commitment, do you really want a mom who's not dedicated to BF to be doing it? Not to mention BFing doesn't come so "natural" for many moms. There are many more factors that come in to play, namely physical capability. Why set out to make them feel like failures?
Now this is where I'm probably going to get some ugly e-mails, but these are just my "personal opinions." You are all entitled to your own and I do respect that…
I'm all about modesty. Breastfeeding is no exclusion and I'm not sure where people get off that it is. A boob is a boob and yes it's meant for feeding but it's also meant for other things. God made them that way and that should be respected. I about fell out of my chair a few years ago when we were at a restaurant and a girl whipped it out sitting right there at the table, across from 2 men. No drape or any attempt to be discreet.
I find it disrespectful. It makes everyone feel uncomfortable, men and women. And It doesn't so much say "I'm pro breastfeeding." as it does "I need attention and I want to make a stink about it."
When Knox was a baby I was so shy. I only BF him publicly once in a doctor's waiting room because it was necessary. And of course it was under a blanket. If we were out I used to sneak off to the car, put blankets over all the windows and feed him there… With Hadley I had a better balance. I always fed her before we left the house, and if I needed to feed here out I'd find a discreet place (a lot of restrooms have sitting areas) and use my cover-up. There is no excuse to bare all unless you're just dying to.
And again, *personal opinion*… But I will never be comfortable with the idea of BFing a toddler (2yr+). For a healthy child, there is no nutritional need for breastmilk after 1 year. They can get everything they need to grow and thrive from solids and a cup. (I've seen it first hand!) I think anything beyond that and you risk letting it become a comfort thing for the child, and often times the mother. (Which some people may be ok with that… ???) Hate me if you will, but I had the emotional connection with both of my babies and yes, I was sad to let it go when it was time to wean them. I see it as the first of many growing pains.
Anyway - I apologize if this lit a flame under any of you, but I just feel like the BF-is-the-only-way group is SO vocal, that no one ever hears the other side. Or maybe just the more middle-ground side. I hate that so many health care professionals set new moms up to feel like failures if breastfeeding doesn't work out. But for the record : Breastfeeding is wonderful and natural, and I'm 100% an advocate for it. I'd encourage everyone to give it a fair shot.
43 comments:
Loved this post! Reading this while on my way some place with my mom and read it aloud to her in the car, we couldnt stop laughing! its all soo true! I feel like something like this should be laminated and given to new moms at the hospital! I finnaly completley weened avery a week ago and it was way past time! next baby will be weaned when they start walking! i know someone who is breast feeding to 3 years and it is honestly border line child abuse its horrible to see!
Thank you for this!!! :)
Dear Jessica –
You don’t know me, but I’ve been a reader of your blog for a few months now. Up until now, I’ve loved it. I’m a fellow stay-at-home mommy of preschool (twin) boys and an infant girl, so your posts have always resonated with me. Your happy, positive attitude, great style, and obvious love for your family quickly elevated LFT to one of my favorite “mommy blogs,” and I’ve been regularly reading a few times a week.
I wanted to tell you that you’ve lost me as a reader with this one.
As a nurse, I’m disappointed that you’d so cavalierly dismiss the very real health benefits of nursing a child past age one. I plan to breastfeed my daughter until she’s two -unless she self-weans before then- and it’s a decision I arrived at on the basis of research. You’re smart and obviously quite educated, so I’m sure you know that the World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding until age two. And they are not the only ones:
http://www.llli.org/faq/advantagetoddler.html
http://www.kellymom.com/bf/bfextended/ebf-benefits.html
I’m far from a breastfeeding “Nazi”, and I actually share your feelings about the tremendous, intimidating pressure that the pro-bf’ing crowd puts on new moms. I don’t like it! I believe that women who –choose- to bf should get all the support possible, but I am 110% against formula discrimination. I formula fed my twins (who are now big and healthy 3 year olds), so I definitely don’t think that Simulac is poison! I just really took offense at your statement that breastfeeding past age one is more an issue of comfort to the mother, and the implication that such a mother can’t hack the “growing pains” of transitioning from babyhood. No, it’s not necessary for survival. But yes, it’s advantageous. That’s a FACT. Nobody is a bad mother for weaning when it’s comfortable or feels right (or for not bf’ing at all!), but nor are they weak, strange, or somehow wrong for weaning later.
I also disagree with something you said about nursing “modestly.” I nurse discreetly by means of clothing that allows me to bf without showing “the goods,” but I don’t judge moms who show a bit of skin either, and I do not consider this a breech of womanly modesty. Granted, I live in a more liberal part of the country where many women bf in public. That much probably is neither here nor there. But something you said really stuck with me:
I'm all about modesty. Breastfeeding is no exclusion and I'm not sure where people get off that it is. A boob is a boob and yes it's meant for feeding but it's also meant for other things. God made them that way and that should be respected.
There are many parts of the body that are considered erotic in many parts of the world, but breasts are the only ones (minus genitalia!) that make milk!. The primary purpose of breasts in mammals is for feeding babies. Full stop. I always find it interesting when I see photos of women in the Middle East fully covered up and veiled… minus the breast with which they are feeding their babies. It’s a little funny that the #1 purpose for which God made our breasts has been marginalized because they are a body part that society has sexualized so fully. Again, I’m NOT condoning people who are attention hogs or who are using their babies’ feeding to further their political agendas. I’m just sayin’.
I am not flaming you at all, and I respect your right to voice your own opinions on your blog. I was just hurt by the judgmental tone you took with your post. It’s not in line with the ‘feel’ I have enjoyed so much in your blog previously, and that’s why I’m going to say goodbye. :(
Regretfully,
Steph
Great post! I totally agree with you! I tried to BF my first child, and couldn't it. You wouldn't believe how the nurses treated me - LIKE a complete idiot! I did BF my second child, but she also got formula. I think it's up to the mother how they choose to feed their babies. Some people just don't have any desire to BF, and I am ok with that. It's their choice. :) Thanks for posting about the other side! ;)
AMEN to everything you said. I agree 100% and I proud to know you because you voiced your opinion on this topic. Many people would shy away from talking about this. I thought you were being a respectful in giving benefits about both BF and Formula feeding. Don't let anyone get you down about this one.
Love this post Jessica! I agree with everything you said 100%. As someone that didn't have the easiest time breastfeeding and had to supplement with formula when my daughter wasn't gaining weight fast enough, I understand! I felt so guilty to give her any formula, like I was a failure. I wish everyone could be more open minded on this topic and let mothers make the best decisions for their own kids!!
Thanks for sharing! I tried to BF, but my milk never fully came in. I am thankful that there is an alternative to BF'ing. My daughter was raised 100% on formula. She is healthy and always have been. I would have loved to BF, but it is not possible for everyone.
By the way I use to live in TN and then moved to TX. Both great states to live in!
Thanks ladies!
@Steph - So sorry we disagree on this one! I actually was debating about posting this for quite some time. I have a huge fear of disappointment so I usually try to keep everything on my blog happy and upbeat. Very neutral... But I wanted to do something a little deeper and this is something I feel strongly about. I know listening to the other side can be hard though... Thank you for following along this far and for the useful links!
Thank you for posting this- I am 5 months preggo and I will be the first to try and brestfeed in my family. I looked at it as the natural normal thing to try- I do feel liek you do in several ways- the public thing gets to me. I live in Austin and women wip out the boob ALL the time and it drives me crazy! I have already picked out a cover and plan to use it whenever needed. Also one the BFing after about 6-10 months, I feel that when they baby is able to ask for it then you have gone too long. Again in Atown we have several moms with toddlers running up to be BFed!
Thank you thank you thank you for being brave and sharing your thoughts- it makes me feel so much better about the adventure I am about to start!
I'm glad you decided to post this! I think it's very important to hear the other side. I am an L&D nurse and mom to a 9 month old baby girl. Like you, I've worked in a very pro breast feeding environment and I have seen first hand much of what you mentioned.
When Ally was born I knew for certain that I was going to breast feed until she was one. I hate to admit this, but I thought moms who didn't where "lazy". Well at 7 months I started to have supply issues and now at month 9 my milk has completely dried up despite trying everything. I was completely heart broken, and I feel ashamed to tell any of my co-workers or friends that I'm giving her formula now. It was nice to hear that I'm not the only one, and you had a similar supply issue.
Anyway, I enjoyed your post! I'm so glad I randomly found your blog, I've loved reading! :)
I have been following your blog for awhile now and have really enjoyed it! I don't think I've ever posted, but this has really resinated with me. I have a 2.5 year old and I tried desperately to breastfeed. We could not get a good latch to save our soul. I went to a LC and she was somewhat helpful, but basically, I felt completely alone. I had a group of mothers that I had gotten close to online, but as soon as breastfeeding didn't work out I got the cold shoulder. They were quick to throw out the facts about how wonderful and "natural" breastfeeding is (which it is) but the minute you have problems you are a leper. I felt shunned and gave up because I felt no one understood or could help. I recently had another baby and before giving birth I researched and researched and researched on my own and prayed and prayed and prayed! I was so blessed to have a great little latcher and nursling! <3 However, we did stop at a little over 4 months because it didn't seem like he was content. I started him on formula and he has been a different baby all together. He was always healthy and reaching milestones, but he cried for the first 4 months of life. Now, he is on a great schedule, sleeps through the night, and is just a joy to be around. I still kick myself sometimes thinking "what if I hadn't stopped nursing him?" And, I know we are all responsible for our own actions, but I feel so completely bitter towards those "Nazis" from when I tried to breastfeed the first time. Don't they realize that they make things worse by such harsh judgement. The last thing a hormonal, scared, overwhelmed first time mom needs is such hatred pointed at them...especially when they are trying with all of their might!! With a little compassion/help I probably would have been successful! When I started reading your post I was praying that you wouldn't start bashing, too! I love that you are a happy medium! Thank you so much for posting this! <3 And, please tell me how you knew it was time to move on with your 2 babies.
Great post! I cringe to even talk to people about my decision (I'm almost 8 mos preg) and I'm going to try to breastfeed! I am giving it a try because I don't want to be close-minded. I was bottlefed so I was nervous about the decision but didn't want to completely rule it out. However, I hate being told that it's the only way. If it doesn't work out for me, I know my baby will be just fine on formula. The most frustrating thing for me in making my decision was the lack of neutral opinions out there on making a choice. When I researched breastfeeding it was all very 'BF is the only way' sort of stuff. I wanted to know the good and the bad. I finally found a good book along with friends that just had babies. They told me how hard BFing can be in the beginning but that the payoff is worth it if you can stick to it. That's what I needed to hear to make my decision: it may not be all flowers and butterflies but it is worth it to try. Thanks for your post!
Preach on sister! I loved and appreciated hearing from the other side. I really beat myself up over being unsuccesful at nursing Ellie and now I regret that. I am finally over it and I am still unsure what I will do when baby #2 comes along. I think in the end all that matters is that our children are healthy AND happy. I am proud to say my girl is both!
I love your post! I couldn't agree more, it's all what's best for your baby.
For what it's worth, I am a new reader Looking forward to reading more.
Karen
You go girl!! I totally agree with everything you said and don't let all the negative comments people give you get to you. I can't sit here and tell you my experiences because I haven't breastfed yet (baby wont be born till October) but I plan to breastfeed! Thanks for posting this!!! Definitely something everyone should read!
Totally agree, Jessica! I LOVED BF so much, but it is not as natural as you think...it's painful at moments and does take all your energy at times. I'm just as modest as you're sounding and feel very uncomfortable when some women just share everything with the world. Why make others feel that way? I'm happy you decided to share this post.
I enjoy reading about your tips and your family adventures!
Totally agree with every word! Especially when people whip out their boob to feed in public, it just makes others uncomfortable.
I BF and it was a personal choice and I feel every woman should be able to make that choice without feeling like they are a bad mother for choosing formula or not.
I commend you for posting something you knew could have some people leave following your blog. It is sad that I see there is one person that would let one difference of opinion be the reason they left.... that is awfully narrow-minded. I loved the way you graciously responded.
100% agree with you! I had a hard time getting my baby to latch on and felt like a failure at first because we get brow beaten with breastfeed breastfeed breastfeed or you are a bad mom! Thanks for showing the other side. I also agree with you on breastfeeding after 1 year of age...despite what the "world health organization" or whoever says. Unfortunately in THIS country a boob is also a sexual object even though we all know why God put them there (for babies!). This is a visual country and I dont wanna see anyones private parts in a public place! So preach on sister! I love your blog, even more so now!
Good for you! Congratulations on a great post.
Agree 100% I am 9 mo. preg and planning to breastfeed, assuming it works out, and I do feel passionately about it, though I know it doesn't work for everyone.
The thing I agree with the most is the modesty thing. I also find it a little rude when women just whip it out. Would you want your husband to see my boob? well I don't either, thanks! I know it's completely natural but it does make people uncomofortable and there is no reason to just not use a cover or find a private place to do it. I don't know that they necessarily do it for attention, but all the women I have known to do it usually preach how it is natural and if people have a problem with it, then it's their issue, etc. I get all that, but boobs are sexual and I don't think it's right to tempt someone else or make them uncomfortable! So thank you for being honest and bold enough to say it!
Thanks for being brave and posting this. I"m not sure why people make this into a big deal??? I had the nurse telling me formula was poison- seriously. I had just had a c/section and was trying to recover, totally exhausted then had this lady that would not leave my room until I was in total tears. I was so mad at her and mad at myself for letting someone make me feel so bad. If b/f works Great, if it doesn't- no big deal! I ended up nursing for 5 weeks then had to go back to work so I stopped and went to formula. My little girl was super healthy and still is. See? You just never know :) Love your posts!!
Great post and couldn't agree more!! I bf my daughter until she was 10 months old and plan to do the same with my son who is due within the next 5 months. It's hard to pump with my work schedule but I'm hoping I can! Thanks!
I totally agree with you! I work at a day care center with babies (6-12 months). Right now we have a girl that's 8 months old that is on breast milk. Her mother told us the other day that the only time she hasn't woken up once in the middle of the night to eat was the day she didn't have fresh breast milk to take to school. It totally fills them up more and we ALWAYS have to give bottles sooner to breast fed babies. Breast milk is the most perfect food for BABIES (I agree with you about toddlers), but formula is fantastic. 9 of our 10 kids are either completely or partly on formula.
Also, we had a mom that pulled her boob out and then walked across the room to get her baby. That doesn't make sense! Another mom goes to the far back of the room and turns her back to us before she pulls it out. I agree, it's just disrespectful.
100% agreed from a labor and delivery nurse of 10 years and mother infant nurse of 2 years!
im back to breastfeeding again--baby #3 is 11 days old today :) What i find interesting is that you said there is such a "brainwashing" {for lack of a better term} in the nursing/lactation dept. in hospitals, but ive had the exact opposite problem with all the nurses i've had taking care of me/baby in hospital the couple days im there post-delivery. I hadnt been sleeping well, so they were pushing to give me an ambien, which would knock me out for longer than 2 hours--so I told them, I probably shouldnt since i was exclusively bf-ing. and they looked at me like i was an alien--she said, no no---i'll feed him formula while you sleep---i had to fight with the lady telling her i didnt feel comfortable with that! oh well. one thing i have noticed with a couple girlfriends is that they think "they dont have enough milk" because the first week not much comes out and the baby loses weight and they panic--ive tried explaining it to them that its normal, and that your milk will come in you just have to keep nursing consisitenly, but they seem to always give in, feed them formula, and then since they arent getting that stimulation, their milk supply really doesnt build up as well as they should. I've nursed my first 2 up until 14 months, where they self-weaned--so we'll see about this little guy.
Amen! Thank you for this honest and open post! I am not against breastfeeding at all and wish I could have but it doesn't work for everyone and my two and a half year old did just perfect on formula. Thanks again!
Loved your post. Have been reading for a while, and have only commented a few times, but I just wanted to say I enjoyed what you wrote and agreed completely. I am pregnant with our 4th, and have breastfed all of them. I loved it and it was a positive experience for me. In my opinion, it is the "best" for our children, but I try to always remind myself that not everyone will see it the same as I have, and that whatever they decide is their right. I feel for those who truly desire to BF and try their hardest to make it happen but yet their bodies do not cooperate. I am thankful that wasn't my experience, but am tender towards those who did have that happen. Anyhow, great post. I love your blogs. You have such a great, positive energy. I am 34, so about 10 years older than you, but our kids are the same ages, and I always think, "Man, I wish I had her energy!" :) Thanks again. Blessings on you and your sweet family.
Loved every word of this post. I am a peds NP & I also felt the pressures of exclusively BF. At 5 months, when my own health issues flared & I had to add new medications, my little girl suffered side effects of my medicine. I abruptly had to stop & I cried many nights. Half on my own behalf - I grieved not being able to have that special mom/baby bond, but I also was scared of what others might say when I told them she was {gasp} formula fed. She is a preemie who has done great on Similac Sensitive after her 5 month start on breastmilk. It is such a personal issue & too many people make it their own business.
Thank you for braving the fear of rejection & posting your true feelings.
Jen
I agree with your post all the way! I used formula with both of my children and was fine with it. I think if you can BF that is great. What I do have a problem with is when people do not cover up while BFing. I asked my husband what he would do if we were out eating and a woman did that right in front of him and he said he would get up and leave. I don't think older children should see a woman bust out her boob either. It just makes people feel weird in my opinion.
i just want to say amen! and i thank you for being honest and saying how you feel! everyone is entitled to their opinion! including you!
i have been a mother baby nurse for 12 years now, and yes....we are told to push (for lack of a better word) BF...that BF is best! well, i agree BF is best for babies, but not always best for the mom or the situation. i think how you feed your baby is a very personal decision. i dont really like "pushing" my moms into BF. i always tell them that i dont care HOW they feed their baby, just as long as they FEED their baby! but if they decide to give BF a try, i am also the nurse that will be in their room every 2-3 hours for 20-30 minutes at a time helping them wake their baby/latch their baby/and keep their baby awake for the feed!
BF is not always easy, esp in the beginning and its a HUGE commitment, but very rewarding if it works FOR YOU AND YOUR BABY.
i BF my 19 month old for 13 months...but also would supplement her with formula...she self weened.
and now i am BF my 6 week old...and havent given her any formula yet (pat myself on the back for that).
i dont think formula is poison...and i am so not a "nipple natzi!"...
its what works best for you and your baby...period! what ever you choose.
I came across this from someone else. I agree with you 100%. My daughter was born 7 weeks early and had an NG tube and then we could never get her to latch so I pumped for 12 LONG weeks. while doing part formula because I was not producing enough. This time around I was not producing enough for my little guy so I pumped for 8 LONG weeks (if there is another the pump is not coming out!!!). I was ok withnot doing BF because 99% of my family friends and dr's supported my decision.
I had one friend just recently make a rude comment to me and I wanted to blow up at her! This is my decision and what was best for our family. As a parent isnt that what you need to do? Decide what is best for your family. I may not agree with what a lot of my friends do but it is their decision and that is the bottom line. I hate how moms are judged for so many things. Thanks for reminding me it is ok to do formula and to show others that it is OK!
Awesome post!!! I have formula fed my daughter from day one and she is healthy and happy. I had a breast reduction which left my breasts and nipples extremely sensitive and I knew when I was pregnant that I would be using formula to feed her. Thankfully I was never pressured by any nurses and have been very happy with my decision.
Agreed - on all fronts!
Thanks so much for this post! I completely agree with everything! I myself have actually encountered someone BF in a restaurant right in front of everyeone while we were eating. I normally keep things to myself, but being I was also a BF mom, I felt I had to say something. So, I ever so kindly asked her to please cover up or step outside and BF in her car. That didn't go over so well, but I'm sure there were plenty others in the resturant "applauding" someone had actually said something. Anyways, I agree with everything! I do think you have to have the mindset to BF and stick to it.
Thank you so much for this. I have a 6 week old and I am not producing enough milk to satisfy her. I have given bfeeding my best shot but I need to just move on and give Gwen what she needs...enough food!! I really appreciate your honesty!
I'm so glad you posted this! As a nurse and a mother of young kids it was one of the worst times of my life when my milk never came in with my 4 year old. I have never felt like such a failure and it was all due to the hospital staff. And then, with my 2 year old had low supply and had to supplement.
I am now pregnant with my third and have matured enough to know that whatever happens, happens.
I also totally agree with the modesty! While, shopping in the mall recently with my 2 boys and husband during breastfeeding week about 40 women sat in the food court all facing the walkway and lifter their shirts up BOTH boobs exposed to promote nursing! I WAS SHOCKED!! The husbands of these moms were videoing and taking pictures...It was so hard for me not to stay something! It was WAY over the top!
This post was so refreshing to me to hear! Thank, again!
haha this post made me laugh! i so agree with just about everything you said.. there is a point when kids are too old to be breastfeeding.. i once commented on a pinterest photoshoot where the mom was breastfeeding in the shoot and the kid looked a bit too old apparently he is 1, and i offended some people but hey, i had to voice my opinion and im glad you did too.. its kind of a funny/touchy topic!
Jessica,
Thanks so much for writing this post. I never ever thought I wouldn't breastfeed, so I didn't put much into learning about it, reading about it, taking classes on it. I knew it wouldn't be easy, but I didn't know how hard it would be! I feel like many, many factors contributed to, in the end, switching to formula (I tried nursing, then pumping 100% then I just made the switch). Making the switch was equally heartbreaking and uplifting. A huge weight was lifted off my shoulders when it came time for feedings and I went back to work at 7 weeks, so all in all it was the better decision for us at the time. Note, I say AT THE TIME. I was still very devastated I wasn't nursing my son (still am sometimes), and every single advertisement or facebook or blog post I saw about BF seemed like a personal attack on me. Anyway, I appreciate where people come from in trying to educate other new moms on the benefits of breastfeeding. For me, I knew and had known for a long time that BF was ideal, but then my post-pardum nurses and lactation consultant scared me to death! The whole thing stressed me out and I feel like I didn't have people teaching or helping me that gelled with my personality and it was just rough. I didn't give my son a pacifier for like 3 weeks because the nurses scared me so much about using them! In the end, I got great advice from my pediatrician. Our doctor, a dad with 2 little ones and a wife who fought hard to be able to BF, told me - your son can still be the president of the United States if he drinks formula. And you know what? That's true. It took me about 12 months to get past the mom guilt (conveniently when he switched to whole milk!) but everyone needs to remember every single baby, mom and situation is completely different. I am very excited to try BF again with a second child, but I will also try to keep things in perspective if it doesn't work again. I am rambling a little but my whole point here is, I really appreciated reading a post from a BF mom who didn't attack formula completely. We're all just doing the best we can do!
I was beginning to think there wasn't another human being (mom)out there that had a level head when it came to breastfeeding. Your thoughts are my own believes too. Just like with trying to get pregnant; not all bodies are the same. I had to go through fertility drugs to get pregnant and my body also didn't produce enough milk to make my 5lb 8oz baby gain weight. God doesn't judge us for having to use formula to give our babies the nutrition they need so neither should other moms. THANK YOU, Jessica for telling your story. Your babies are BEAUTIFUL and I love seeing them grow up so happy!
I know I'm a little late to this party, but ...
This is a fabulous post and should be standard reading for all new mamas. I didn't BF my first child for several reasons (She weighed 11.2 lbs; I had a hard time delivering her; I wasn't breastfed or raised around breast feeding mamas; I wasn't comfortable with breastfeeding as brand new mama; etc.). I felt like I had to hide the fact that I wasn't breastfeeding from the BF Nazi's of the world. I would even lie about it to some of my friends who were extremely pro-BFing.
When our second baby came along 7 years later, I already knew he would be just fine if I decided not to BF. When he struggled to suck from the bottle the nurse (who also happened to be the LC) made a lot of negative comments about my choosing to use a bottle and kept suggesting that I was a bad mother for not breastfeeding. As a 30-something mother, I was comfortable enough with who I was as a mother to tell her to get out and send me somebody who would help me. Her attitude quickly changed.
I now have 6 month old triplets who spent 2 weeks in the NICU just growing. All three had NG tubes at one time or another and were given 22 cal formula. Although the hospital offered a pump if that is what I wanted, not ONCE did I ever feel like I was less of a mother for choosing formula. I spent hours with the NICU nurses (who are now my biggest heroes) and had many conversations regarding breastfeeding vs. formula feeding. I was in fact told that formula is preferred in the NICU for some babies because they (the doctors) have control over the calories and nutrition the babies are getting. Breast milk isn't always as stable in this sense (especially if mom isn't healthy).
I now have 5 super healthy kids who have not once had breast milk. While I completely understand the benefits of breast feeding, I don't feel like I have harmed my children or have given them anything less than a good start by choosing to feed formula. I bonded with them all immediately and still cherish my time feeding the babies. I am also not afraid to let people know (should it become a topic of conversation) that all of my children have been formula/bottle fed and they are all healthy weights, have great little minds, are well adjusted, and are thriving children.
After all ... the first grade teacher doesn't say to the kids of the first day of school, "Raise your hand if you were breastfed." (A quote from my mom ... a retired first grade teacher.)
Thanks for your post!!
this is a great post. i wanted to breastfeed so bad (like you it was basically assumed that i would--i actually didn't know people never even tried) but my daughter (now 6 weeks old) had tongue issues and we only made it a month. reading the reasons that you breastfed actually made me sad because i felt the same way but i wasn't able to continue. it makes me sad but i also know it is a commitment that i don't know if i could ever handle and that we gave it a good shot but it was the best decision for my family to stop. i had great lactation consults and was completely honest with them and in the end we decided to quit.
thank you for sharing about formula. i really had no idea that it can sometimes be better for the baby than breastmilk (unless of course the breastmilk is unclean). i am unsure if i can commit to breastfeeding in the future (if we're blessed with more children) but i will definitely try.
side note: thank you for sharing your faith so openly. i, too, and a daughter of the King :)
Post a Comment